And what does a physician do when someone comes with a bleeding wound? Three things: He or she cleanses the wound, aligns the sundered parts, and gives it rest. That’s all. The physician does not heal. He or she provides an environment for the dominant natural process of healing to take its course.
“Do you sense any gentle nudges from God in this?” Or, “How do you think God is inviting you to respond to this?”
When I’m the directee, for example, I might avoid silence by talking on and on, defending myself or over-describing a situation. When I’m the director, I may want to explain my understanding of what this conversation is about, make suggestions or give some answers. But silence in the direction session can become a resting place where God’s Spirit whispers to our souls.
Questions are the backbone of the group spiritual direction process. A question like “Can you give me an example of that?” invites the directee to talk more. “What was that like for you?” invites him to share his own experience more fully. “How do you feel about that situation?” is an invitation for a directee to explore both her positive and her negative feelings.
What was life like for you today? Can you describe the time today when you felt the most free? When did you feel least free? What is something you desire in your life these days? Can you talk a bit about your desires for yourself?
directee where he or she senses that desire came from. Is it from God? Is it rooted in any other desires that are from God?
In the last twenty-four hours, what gave you joy? Sorrow? Who in your life (past or present) has given you a taste of God’s love? What activities in your life seem to draw you to God? What activities in your life seem to pull you away from God? When or where are you most likely to be aware of God’s presence? When or where are you least aware of God’s presence? In the last day or two, when or where were you most aware of the presence of God in your life?
What is your soul longing for today? How is it for you when you read Scripture? When are you bored with your spiritual journey?
How would you like to experience God in the next few weeks? Do you sense any invitation from God in this? What would you like God’s invitation to be?
Often (but not always) questions that start with why or that can be answered with a yes or no are unhelpful. “Why do you think you’re in this situation?” “Did you ask God about this?” or “Do you think God is taking care of you?” are all examples of questions that probably won’t lead to deeper discussion or revelation.
The words of Ecclesiastes come back to us: There is a time to speak and a time to be silent. Questions often help us when we are not sure which time it is.
director. The voice of the inner critic is so loud that often I cannot hear the whispers of the Spirit. I say I believe that God is full of grace and that God loves me, but my feelings of guilt and fear tell me that I don’t really believe that. Sometimes just describing my feelings helps loosen their grip on me. In addition, my spiritual director helps me reinterpret my journey in ways that are more in keeping with what I believe about God’s love for me. And sometimes in moments of silence, in the presence of my spiritual director, God touches my heart and heals a wounded spot. Growing awareness of our interpretations about God and ourselves is also a benefit of group spiritual direction.
my feelings are rooted in my desire to fix other people’s problems. In the quiet loving experience of spiritual direction, I hear God whispering, Alice, that’s my job. On a cognitive level I know that. But in my “heart” I treasure my own ability to fix or control life, mine and others. Through the process of spiritual direction, I am able to let go of that treasure, at least a little bit. When I let go, I often find that God gives me an experience of grace and peace, something I treasure even more.
I commented that her situation would make me sad too. She responded, “Oh, do you think I’m sad? How did you know that?” She had ignored her feelings for so long that even her tears couldn’t tell her how she felt. Feelings aren’t more important than thinking, but often they give us unfiltered feedback about what we really believe about God, ourselves and our faith. Because
Susan, a member of a group I was in a few years ago, struggled with the mysterious feeling she had when she discovered that people in her church saw her as mature and wise. As we asked her to tell us more about her experience and continued to ask her questions, she discovered that what she was feeling was joy—the special joy that comes from using the gifts God has given us. Susan’s response to identifying this positive feeling was not pride but gratitude.
One of the most common unhelpful responses is “I know just how you feel.” While it might be useful to briefly mention how we might have felt (“That would have made me mad.”) it is not helpful to assume that we know how someone else would actually feel. It’s also not helpful to try to generate optimism. No one wants to hear, “Don’t worry—it will get better.” Or, “Trust God. God always knows best.” Or, “At least you don’t have cancer like so and so.” Sometimes all we can do is ask, “What would be helpful to you right now?” We need special grace to companion people experiencing difficult feelings, to help them turn to God without pushing them or trivializing what they really feel.
PEACE BEYOND UNDERSTANDING The goal in focusing on feelings is not to wallow in them. Nor is it just to clarify thinking. The goal is to notice and embrace the presence of God in this experience. When this happens, the peace that comes “transcends all understanding” (Philippians 4:7 NIV). In other words, we cannot think our way into God’s peace; it’s beyond understanding. The Bible also says that the love of God “surpasses knowledge” (Ephesians 3:19). No matter how much we know, God’s love is deeper, so sometimes the route to this peace-beyond-knowing is through our feelings. Spiritual direction provides a unique place where feelings are welcome and helps us experience God in ways that are beyond understanding and knowledge.
Imaginative reading. Imaginative reading of Scripture is also often part of individual spiritual direction. For example, I was meeting with someone who had been struggling with the same problem in her life for years. Nothing seemed to help. As we talked, I began thinking about the man who waited by the pool of Bethesda for thirty-eight years for someone to help him get into the pool and be healed. I read the passage, John 5:1-8, to my friend, and I asked her to picture herself lying there by the pool, struggling with her own desire to be healed. Then I asked her to imagine Jesus approaching her. How would she feel? What might Jesus say to her? How would she respond to Jesus? By entering into this story in Scripture, my friend was able to experience God’s love in a new way in her own situation. The Spirit touched her life in a quiet way, but one as real as the way Jesus touched the lame man. The
session. However, with those cautions, let me say that transformational reading of Scripture can be a very, very valuable experience in a group setting. There are several ways this might happen. Ahead of time. The first place transformational reading of Scripture can benefit group spiritual direction is actually outside the session, before the group meets. When members of the group have the habit of listening to God—in Scripture and in all aspects of life—they are much better equipped to listen to the directee with humble, welcoming attitudes.
The important thing is that when we come together for group direction, we do so with the intent of giving each other the opportunity to exprience love and grace, whether it is through Scripture or through the parables of our lives.
And when Paul talked about the judgment of God, he said that God “will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God” (1 Corinthians 4:5 NIV, emphasis mine). Praise? I thought conviction and judgment were about punishment, but here Paul is saying that when we’re judged by God we’ll be praised. Amazing. Perhaps this is why God does not give us the job of pointing out sin; we don’t understand how to do it the way the Spirit does.
It helps to remember that sin is not primarily about premeditated actions, like embezzlement. Sin is rooted in the attitude behind the action. It is the attitude in all human beings that causes us to think we are in charge. My friend who embezzled probably decided at some point that he was in charge of getting all the money he thought he needed. I am not an embezzler, but I do struggle with the temptation to think that I am in charge. I may act as though I am in charge of my life by rigidly planning my day without allowing any places for God to intervene. “I need to make this happen. And I will do it.” When I look to myself and not to God to give me what I need, then I’m tempted to sin in my attitude and sometimes in my actions. Sin is rooted in a conscious or an unconscious disbelief in God’s sovereign love. We sin because we disbelieve the truth of God and we believe the lies of Satan.
Her twisting of God’s words reminds me of the temptation I face in my own life to do the same thing. I’m tempted to think, God loves me, but God would love me even more if I prayed better, or if I read the Bible more, or if I were a better person. The serpent doesn’t even bother responding to Eve’s addition to God’s command. He goes right for the jugular, with a blatant contradiction of God’s words: “You will not die” (Genesis 3:4). In our own spiritual journeys we experience the same temptations to add to God’s words or to blatantly contradict them.
Because I knew she was a very caring and careful person and that she lived with a lot of fear, I asked her to return to a time of quiet and continue to listen to God. This time her sense was that God understood, extended mercy and welcomed her into a loving embrace. For Liz, obedience to God meant never making mistakes. Like Eve, she complicated God’s desire for her and she faced the temptation to contradict God’s grace and mercy. By talking about what she thought was sin, Liz was able to find freedom from a weight of guilt.
When they reached out to eat from that one tree, they were saying to God that they would not accept the limitations God put in their lives. We have continued to do that ever since. Our temptations are not connected with trees and fruit, but they are rooted in the same desire to be more, have more or do more than God has given us. We might, for instance, believe that we would be happier if we had different talents, more money, different friends or a different job. We’re tempted to think that where God has placed us is not good enough or what God has given us is not good enough. We want more. We want to be in charge. Like Adam and Eve, we face the temptation to be Creator rather than creatures.
This is one of the reasons that spiritual direction is a scary and a wonderful experience. Because it is a safe place where we have already agreed not to condemn one another, it is one place in our lives where we can be honest about our struggles with temptation. But this is a little scary. It may mean coming out of the bushes. In fact, in spiritual direction we ask one another, as God asked Adam and Eve, “Where are you?” Where are you today, in your spiritual life? If we respond to that question thoughtfully and truthfully, we will probably have to venture out from some of the bushes where we’ve been hiding. But it is worth it. I have found over the years that when I take that risk, I am strengthened to face temptations, and I begin to heal from the devastating effects of sin in my life.
Confession may be verbal, but more likely it will be a quiet admission to God about something that comes to our awareness as we’re meeting with friends in a safe and loving place. As we engage in presenting something from our own lives and as we listen to others presenting, we’re in constant communication with the Holy Spirit of God. Sometimes we may sense our spirits saying to God, “Forgive me for I have sinned.” When that happens, we can remember that “if we confess our sins, he who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). As we are forgiven, we will begin to be transformed.
process. Until then we will face daily temptations to sin. We desperately need one another to help us navigate this journey.
The possibility that God’s desires for us will correspond to our own deepest desires is a new thought for many people. But if we assume that God’s will is something we will not like, then we’ll be tempted to look for happiness on our own. David Benner writes about this in Sacred Companions: Ignatius of Loyola suggests that sin is ultimately a refusal to believe that what God wants is my happiness and fulfillment. When I fail to believe this, I am tempted to sin—to take my life into my own hands, assuming that I am in the best position to determine what will lead to my happiness. As I become convinced that God wants nothing more than my fulfillment, surrender to his will is increasingly possible.
Nathan, “Is that what you felt?” “No,” he said. “I was relieved. By the time I made the decision, I felt so good to know that God would be with me and my family no matter what I decided. But I’m very glad I decided to stay home.”
In conversation with caring friends, we can talk about the “wants” and the “shoulds” in our lives. Sometimes the discernment process leads us to embrace something we would not choose.
When Moses pleaded for God’s guidance and presence for the Israelites, God said to him, “While my glory passes by I will put you in a cleft of the rock, and I will cover you with my hand until I have passed by; then I will take away my hand, and you shall see my back; but my face shall not be seen” (Exodus 33:22-23). That has certainly been my experience with discernment. I pray for God’s guidance, but then I’m more apt to see God’s back than God’s face. When the event, with all its questions, is over, I say to myself, Oh, yes, God was there.
Among our spiritual direction friends we can grow and be more open and willing to receive God’s goodness. Our friends help us notice and accept the longings of our hearts—which reflect the desires of God’s heart for us.
